Failure and Success

by Krystal
"The best lessons are learned not from our successes, but from our failures," a few professors have told me over my years as a student. And, frankly, I don't buy it.

I remember in third grade, when we were learning about a book that had a dollhouse in it, and I stayed up until 11:00 pm (wow.) cutting the little windows in my construction paper dollhouse so that they were hinged. The dollhouse was shown to not just my homeroom class, but to all other homeroom classes. I remember that moment in school, and it fueled a great desire in my to want to succeed in other areas of my life.

I remember the only basket I ever made in a basketball game in the fourth grade was a lay-up that put two more points on a scoreboard that I do not remember the score of. I do remember my hands raising with fists as if to say, "I won, I won, I won."

I remember graduation, and the honor of my family being present. I remember deciding to come to graduate school because a professor asked me to be his graduate assistant. I remember classes where I felt successful, and how I worked so hard for an A.

I remember just last year the day that I dubbed "The Greatest Ordinary Day of my Life," where my preaching professor here at seminary told me, "You have to preach," and I scored the winning run in a kickball game that was 3-2 when all was said and done. After earning the co-MVP that evening, I do not think I will easily forget that winning feels really good, and trying my best sometimes does actually pay off.

I try to forget those who have purposefully tried to make me feel bad about being a woman in ministry. I try to forget those who have downgraded me on assignments. I try to forget those who told me, "You can't," because these are not healthy ways to fuel a fire or allow me to get excited about my craft. Those moments just make me really angry.

I will remember the faces of those who encouraged me, put up with me, and pushed me forward. I will try to forget those who did not or ignored me.

I really think that those who believe that failure is the best medicine are already at the top. It's much like Judith Plaskow's explanation of feminine sin. The feminine sin is not pride, but instead self-deprecation, feeling unworthy, or "low self-esteem" (that phrase has lost all meaning to me because of its overuse.) So, why would those who already continually fall into a trap of self-depreciation consider failure to be helpful? Would that not just push someone lower?

I suppose if you are not one who falls into the trap of feminine sin, the anger fueling you from a failure will propel you forward. For those of us who do not consider pride of the ultimate sin, however, anger will ultimately drive you further into the ground.

So, overcome failure, and learn from it. But try to forget the failing part. Remember the successes, and give glory to God, who gave you the success in the first place.